


Everyone's a critic, given half a chance

by Dr_Hoffmans_Mechanic



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, International Fanworks Day 2020, Kyssandra - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22508863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Hoffmans_Mechanic/pseuds/Dr_Hoffmans_Mechanic
Summary: In which Barnabas learns that under your pillow is a terrible hiding place.
Relationships: Barnabas & Kassandra (Assassin's Creed), Kassandra/Kyra (Assassin's Creed)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 66





	Everyone's a critic, given half a chance

**Author's Note:**

> fishbone76 and I were joking about this only a week or so ago and then this year's prompt sort of fit, so here we go.

“Kyra is going to be so delighted,” Barnabas beamed, “and not just at your safe return!”

They were in his cabin and Kassandra was sitting on the edge of his bunk, swinging her legs and smiling contentedly, amused by his excitement.

“Who would have thought that you would manage to get the entire sum from that stubborn son of a donkey? And without breaking any bones too! After all, diplomacy isn’t one of your strongest suits.”

“The diplomacy of the blade?” she flashed a sharp, white grin.

“Obviously! You are a veritable Archon yourself in that regard,” he held up a hand in acknowledgment. “But it’s always a pleasure when you return from a task without something for Theis to stitch up. It must be Kyra rubbing off on you.”

“Why Barnabas!” Kassandra gave him a playfully scandalized look. “I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t happen. In fact it will be happening tonight if I’m lucky. But really!”

“Ey, no, you know I didn’t mean like that,” he was blushing so fiercely it was visible beneath the whiskers of his grey beard. “I swear, a week among this crew and your mind sinks right into the gutter.”

“I’m sorry, old man,” she laughed. “But you make it so easy sometimes, it would almost be rude not to take the opportunity. I _am_ looking forward to seeing her though,” her tone was suddenly softer and more sincere. “I hate being away from her for more than a day,” she kicked her heels against the side of his bunk.

“Of course you do,” Barnabas was easily cheered. “You are like two hands on one body.”

It was a tempting statement, but she decided to let it pass.

“Meant to be together. Useful individually, but together? What greatness!” he threw wide his arms. “An hour or so and the beautiful coast of Mykonos will be in sight. Kyra’s runners will spot us. One will sprint back to the villa to announce your approach. As he bursts into her office, the glad news spilling from his lips, she will rise, a delighted smile playing about her pretty face.”

If anyone went bursting unannounced into Kyra’s office with whatever news, a delighted smile would be the last thing playing about her pretty face, Kassandra thought, swallowing a smirk.

“Gods Barnabas, have you been reading love poetry in here of an evening?” she teased.

“No!” he sounded more defensive than the question required, she thought. “I just like the both of you. You’re like daughters to me. Is it wrong to want to think of you happy together?”

“Of course not,” she softened her voice. “It’s very sweet, if a bit florid. I’m touched.”

“It does my old heart good,” he was pacing now, his sun bronzed arms wrapped about his chest in a hug, a misty look in his good eye. “To see you settled with your beautiful wife. Who would have imagined such a thing, back in the days when it was wall to wall Minotaur shit and we never knew how many limbs you’d be coming back with. Or whose. You and Kyra…”

Kassandra wasn’t sure what had got into him. He’d no doubt been at the wine, that was a given, but he had a cast iron stomach for it generally. She let him wax lyrical and leaned back on his bunk, bracing herself on her arms. As she did, she inadvertently pushed aside his pillow, revealing a sheaf of papyri, the sheets covered in closely written characters.

Aphrodite’s ass, he _had_ been reading love poetry! She chuckled quietly and picked up the bundle as discreetly as possible. She needn’t have worried, he was still pacing and talking about the labyrinth of the heart or something.

She examined the pages more carefully. No! He’d been _writing_ love poetry? That was definitely his neat but laboured hand. She spotted her name.

“Then the day you told me,” his voice, rough as it was, had acquired a dreamy quality as he rambled. “I can’t tell you how thrilled I was. I thought my heart would burst. Of course I knew she was meant for you from the moment I clapped my eye on her. That fiery spirit. Her challenging smile. Those smouldering eyes -”

“ _Like smoky beacons guiding me home_? ” Kassandra interrupted. “Smoky beacons, Barnabas, would that even work? Oh, during the day I suppose.”

He spun on his heel, arms dropping to his sides and looked at her in horror. She was lounging on the bunk, reading from the topmost sheet.

“ _The mighty Eagle Bearer_...that’s been a while, Barnabas,” she glanced up from beneath lowered lids. “ _The mighty Eagle Bearer strode across the room, her powerful legs eating up the distance between them like a starving goat_ …that’s an interesting choice,” she smirked.

“Stop!” he raced towards her, hands flailing, almost tripping over the bucket in his haste. “Don’t read that, it’s private! Kassandra put that down this minute!”

She was on her feet now, the papers held safely out of arm’s reach above her head as she continued to read.

“ _In an instant Kyra was in her arms, her lovely body pressed against Kassandra’s muscular chest ._..my muscular chest, Barnabas? Is this going to get saucy? Because I’ll need some wine for that, I think.”

“Kassandra don’t,” he pleaded. “Those are not for you. Those are private stories, practice for my tavern tales,” he flailed impotently for the sheets, but they were well out of reach.

“ _Kyra rested her cheek against the warm bronze of her lover’s breastplate_ ...how can she feel my muscular chest through my?...never mind... _it was only her imagination, she knew, but she swore she could hear the mighty drum beat of her heart._..is that too many mighties, perhaps?”

“Stop it now,” he’d given up trying to retrieve his story and had flopped miserably on a stool by the table. “I know you think this is funny.”

“ _Kassandra looked down at her. Her chest aching with love for the beautiful rebel. All her trials, all her wandering and searching had brought her here at last to a safe harbour. She could moor here, she thought, tears springing to her eyes. She could moor here for the rest of her life,_ ” her voice was quiet and serious now. 

“ _Kassandra raised Kyra’s chin with a gentle finger. The hand that only yesterday had wrenched the cerulean orb from a Cyclops’ skull, was tender now as she cradled her cheek, gazing deep into her smouldering eyes._..no...actually Barnabas,” she went to sit beside him and poured them both a cup of wine. “I don’t think it’s funny at all.”

He looked anxiously at her, unsure how to interpret the final statement. Was she angry with him?

She took a sip of wine, sitting quietly for a while before licking her lips and turning to look at him. Her eyes looked suspiciously bright.

“Is it finished?” she asked, trying to sound disinterested. “I hate having to wait for the next chapter.”

To his relief the smile she gave him was warm and genuine. She’d turned back to the sheets and was reading again, to herself now, her brows creased in concentration.

“No,” he tried to keep his bubbling excitement in check. “Very nearly, just a few more paragraphs. I know the exact line I want to end it on. But, but,” he reached to take the sheets from her hands and rifled through them in search of something.

“Here!” he announced at last, sounding a little giddy. “This one is. You’ll like this one. It’s very short too, you can finish it before we reach home.”

Kassandra took the two closely written sheets from his hand and topped up their wine as she quickly scanned the pages before settling to read. After a moment, she looked up at him, her eyes wide and delighted.

“Oh gods Barnabas,” she breathed. “There was only one bed!”


End file.
